It's Time For Random Scrambled Eggs!
by walnutdemon
Summary: What happens when you mix a thirteen year old high on crack with a blank Microsoft Word document? You get this random story!
1. News program

Author's Note: This is my first fanfic, so no flames please. I got this idea for not really any reason but eet ees funny so RR, eef you please.

Disclaimer: I don't own code lyoko….yak yak yak yak yak…… so let's skip this crap and get to business

Warnings: explicit language such as repeated use of the words hobo and crap

Other author's note: In all my fics, i will have an OC named TJ.

TJ's bio

Age: 18

Bio: Grew up in new york. his dad was a drug dealer , and moved to france after his dad was arrested and was enrolled in kadic academy (dont ask why) (also is really buff)

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It's Time For….Random Scrambled Eggs!

(TV makes static-y noise and turns on)

"Good morning, all you third world countries! Welcome to the "Good Morning Third World countries Show"! I'm your host, TJ! And this is your other host, some-hobo-i-picked-up-off-the-road!" (Ulrich gives him evil-eye)

"Um, yes, and today we have a special program! Today is pirate day!"(camera goes back to TJ)

"Yes, today is the day that some screwed up guy called "hobo-with-red-beaard beat up a hobo who wanted to sell him a ninja star! Another-hobo-i-picked-up-off-the-road has the story!" (Yumi flips tj off and appears on the screen dressed up as a pirate)

"Arrr, maties! this be here a great program!" (goes to TJ)

"Cut the crap, hobo."

"Okay. This dock is the spot where red-hobo-beard beat the frickin crap out of the merchant who was trying to sell him ninja stars. I have with me a descendent of this man, his 95 year old great-great grandson. Can you tell us your name, sir?"

"You say this is Walgreens? Where's my ointment?"

"No, your NAME sir."

"It turned blue forty years ago!"

"Would please tell us your name! I haven't emotionally crippled anyone today and I'm feeling cranky!"

"You say your selling gas stoves? I'll take 29 pounds of ground beef!" (Yumi sighs)

"TJ?" (goes back to TJ)

"Well, that's close enough! We'll be right back after this commercial break!"

commercial

(some guy in a suit jumps on screen)

guy: hey, all you fat, lazy hobos out there! Are you a fat, lazy hobo who has too much time on his hands?

Fat guy standing in background: Maybe….

Guy: Well, why don't you go on….. "THE LARD DIET!"

fat guy: Oh, that sounds great! (throws aside donut and starts gorging down bucket-o-lard)

guy: See, folks! He's lovin' it!

Guy and fat guy (unison): _"It's delicious, just like that!_

_Call 1-800-HEART-ATTACK! Yeah!_

End commercial

"Hey all you dumb ass hobos! Welcome back to the show!" (goes to Ulrich)

"Now we bring you our top story: Donald Trump has resolved to no longer say that your fired! We have here an exclusive video of a press conference with Donald Trump. Warning: this has explicit footage of Donald trump not saying that your fired. (goes to video, where Jeremie is dressed up as Donald Trump and Odd and Aelita are sitting in front of him wearing business suits)

Video

"Lisa, I have something to tell you. You're f-ffff-ff-fff-f-fBEEPing up you job, so I'm going to have ff-fff-f-fff-ff-fBEEPk up you. I have to llll-ll-l-lllll-let you go." (Turns to Odd) "Odd, you're the director of human resources, go and ff-ff-ffffff-ff-fff-fBEEPk her." (Odd looks surprised)

"Are you sure, sir?"

"YES! Now get moving unless you want to be fff-ff-ffffff-ffff-fBEEPed too!" (Odd hurries out of room with Aelita, and awkward silence falls over)

End video

(Ulrich mops brow) "Well, that was interesting! Now it's time for-you've all been waiting for it- the RASH of the day! Today we're going to look at the _Faticus Blobulia Pantalonesa _rash! Now this rash is extremely interesting because it only appears on extremely fat people- (is cut off by TJ)

"Um, Ulrich, we have such a packed program that we should probably skip the rash of the day, hm?"

"Um, I guess so. Well, here is our next big story- George Bush does something constructive and time-worthy that has a point! Not that we know what it was! (A/N: No offense to any republicans out there) Our reporter, hobo-that-I-decided-to-spare, has the whole story!" (Aelita also flips Ulrich off)

"Yes, I'm here with the George Bush in his office! So, george, what exactly did you do?"

"I organized a fundraiser for Africans."

"Really! For what? Malaria? Starvation?"

"No, money to give put in a McDonalds there. Isn't that just damn GREAT??!!" (goes back to TJ and Ulrich)

"You did not just see that! To conclude our program, we're going to square dance to "Millionaire's Hoedown" with our camera-hobos!"

(Every one starts dancing and screen goes static-y)

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Well, what d'you think? More chapters coming, I promise. R&R, please. NO FLAMES PLEASE


	2. cell phone, pudding, and F's

Nerdwithagun: Hey, i guess I couldn't wait to cook the next random scrambled egg!

Ulrich: hey, nerd-hobo-gun, how do you put an elephant in the fridge? (nerdwithagun throws a porcupine at him)

Ulrich: Augh my corneas! (runs around screaming)

Nerdwithagun: Well, that was interesting!

Random lawyer: how did Ulrich appear right there if you do not own code lyoko or any of its characters copyright Moonscoop and antefilms productions, blablablablablablabla…. (nerdwithagun throws a woodpecker at the lawyer)

lawyer: aaaaaa, my blind spot!

Nerdwithagun: well, here's the moment you've all been waiting for….

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It's Time For….Random Scrambled Eggs!

(Yumi is sitting in living room with apron on when Odd runs in, suddenly very short)

"Mommy, mommy, mommy! Guess what! I got an a hundred today! In TWO subjects!"

"My goodness, how did you do that!"

"I got a 50 in Math and a 50 in science!"

"Oh my god, my son is a dickhead!" (suddenly Ulrich runs in from the kitchen screaming)

"AAAAAAAAA! MY CELL PHONE IS EATING MY FACE!" (Yumi rips off her apron revealing a wonder-woman outfit)

"I'll save you….with PUDDING!" (throws pudding at Ulrich)

"AAAAAAAAAAAA! NOW THE PUDDING IS EATING THE CELL PHONE THAT'S EATING MY FACE!" (Odd runs out, comes back dressed up as Scooby Doo)

"I'll save you with my two 50's!" (throws school work at Ulrich)

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! NOW MY SON'S DICK HEAD SCHOOL WORK IS EATING THE PUDDING THAT'S EATING THE CELL PHONE THAT'S EATING MY FACE!!!!!"

(Ulrich and Yumi begin making out suddenly. Odd turns into George Washington)

Odd shouts, "We're headed for Lexington! The Japanese shall not escape this time!"

(Screen goes static-y)

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hooray for random scrambled eggs! RR, if you will! Once again, this is my first fic, so no flames, otherwise I will scream that my corneas are burning up.


	3. Classroom

Nerdwithagun: Just can't get enough of these yumful random scrambled eggs!

Lawyer: Now that I'm blind, can I sue you without you throwing woodpeckers or face-eating pudding at me?

Nerdwithagun: Certainly! I'll throw foot-eating smiley faces at you!

Lawyer: hooray! That is much better. (nerdwithagun throws smiley faces at him) AAAAAAAAA MY TOES ARE BEING DEVOURED!!!!!!!

Nerdwithagun: now that we have established that I don't own code lyoko, I'm going to start a hostile takeover of code lyoko and turn all of the script writers into slave labor so you can watch random scrambled eggs like this everyday! But before that…..

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It's Time For….Random Scrambled Eggs!

(Odd is dressed up as professor with mustache and the rest of the gang is sitting in front of him in a huge class room)

"All right, cheeldren, today wee are goeeng to leern about fractieens." (Ulrich raises hand, and everyone suddenly notices that he looks like Teddy Roosevelt)

"But my good gentleman, we are earning our Ph/D's! We have no time to waste on this fools gold!"

"Shuut uup! Yoou geet no ice creem at snack time!"

"Waah! My fair Mommy shall deal with you soon!" (turns back into Ulrich while Odd drowns in a sea of laughter)

"hooray! Now I'm going to teach!" shouted Yumi. (A/N: OMG I didn't use parentheses!)

"Okay, class! Today we are going to learn the evil Gouda cheese theory. 2+5a German hobo. 5+692537564the squared root of Odd's brain, which is approximately .00000000000000001. (class oooh's and aaah's)

"Wow! She did that in her head!" (Jeremie looks confused)

"**She?!**"

"That earned you ISS (A/N: In School Suspension) young man!" (Yumi snipes Jeremie down with an oozi ((A/N: oozi like the gun, I don't know if I spelled that right)) filled with sunflower seeds and frozen peas ((Jeremie dies immediately))) (A/N: Yay for the confusing parentheses!)

"AAAA THE REST OF MY LIFE!"

"Alrighty then class, now eet ees time for world geography." (Ulrich whispers to TJ)

"Oh no, she's getting a stupid accent."

"We must take her down at recess." (Ulrich stands up and yells)

"YAAAAAAAAYYYYYY RECESS!" (Yumi snipes him down with a sniper filled with confident hamsters)

"HOLY CRAP MY FbeepING INTESTINES ARE SPILLING OUT! THEY SMELL LIKE MY MOM'S PERFUME!!!" (TJ looks shocked)

"Ulrich, language!"

"I'M DYING, YOU ASSHOLE!"

"Ulrich! If you keep this up, I'm going to call human resources!"

"BUT I'M REALLY DYING!"

"Oh yeah, how are you still alive?" (Ulrich dies immediately)

"Finally! I was getting tired of him talking about perfume!" (TJ suddenly wonders what Aelita has been doing this whole time. He looks over and sees her being pampered by Japanese servants who have a delicious cuisine and fans and what-not. He goes over to her couch and begins making out with her. Jeremie comes back to life and stabs TJ with a piece of a smiley face. Aelita is so sad at the loss of him that she explodes into a cloud of perfume and confetti. Yumi then walks over to the closet where Ulrich has been hiding the whole time and steps in.)

(A/N: Whoa, really long quote!)

(Screen goes static-y)

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nerdwithagun: Whoa, I think we're losing control of these chapters.

Aelita: Who is the "we?"

Nerdwithagun: me and my giant monkey, Toto. (pats the air)

Aelita: You have no wits, do you.

Nerdwithagun: what are you talking about? (cries and runs off) You get no chocolate chip cookies! (peeks back) RANDOM chocolate chip cookies.

Just more of these comin, guys. Review, if you will.


	4. watermelons, cheese, and marshmallows

Nerdwithagun: Um, okay, I'm going to try to get this one to make sense.

TJ: cents?! Why not dollars?! WAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Nerdwithagun: no, I sense means logic.

TJ: WWWWAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!! Now your trying to blow up my head!

Nerdwithagun: okay, well, anyway, um…..here it is.

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It's Time For….Random Scrambled Eggs!

(Odd is staring exquisitely at a watermelon with a mustache and Ulrich walks in.)

"Umm….Odd……why are you staring at a marshmallow?" (Odd looks confused)

"It's not a marshmallow, it's a piece of cheese!"

"NO, IT'S A MARSHMALLOW."

"NO, IT'S A PIECE OF CHEESE." (Yumi suddenly walks in holding a tray of marshmallow and is dressed in a 50's diner waitress outfit)

"Who wants marshmallows?"

"Those are watermelon's."

"No, Odd they're pieces of cheese." (suddenly TJ walks in and starts talking in a British accent)

"Chop chop! Tally ho! Tea and chapstick does make a good noontime meal, you know!"

(suddenly Odd falls over the edge of a grand canyon and falls into the Colorado river and is adopted by a giant flying squirrel. Suddenly the watermelon and the marshmallows start making out and get married and have five beautiful kids who become doctors and go on to save humanity. Meanwhile, Yumi and Ulrich are mourning over the disappearance of Odd and TJ is trying to get important information out of a hobo and a fire hydrant)

"Come on, ye scoundrel! What is the best hot-wax salad recipe?" (He suddenly realizes he is turning into a penguin, so Aelita and Jeremie get married and adopt him and name him "Mrs. Fluffy-pants) (A/N: my acknowledgements to Nanyxa out there)

(Then it goes back to Yumi and Ulrich, who adopt a watermelon and name it Mr. Hippity-Hop)

"Ahh, isn't he cute?"

"Sure is. Let's go make out in my closet!" (suddenly, the half-penguin TJ runs in)

"HOLY SHIT, I DON'T WANT A BATH!!!!!!!" (Jeremie and Aelita come running in.)

"Mrs. Fluffy-pants, we're going to give you a bath, and then pet you to death! Isn't that great?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (gasp, wheeze, pant) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (wheeze wheeze wheeze) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"COME BACK HERE, MRS. FLUFFY-PANTS!!"

(Then Dr. Phil walks in and works out everyone's personal problems and they all lived happily ever after)

(screen goes static-y)

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nerdwithagun: umm, what was that?

Ulrich: apparently something stupid. That asshole in the green never would have kissed that gothic chick! (Yumi snipes him down)

Porky Pig: Th-t-th-th-th-that's all, folks!


	5. Saint Patrick's Day massacre

Nerdwithagun: Okay, hi everyone, I know, I need to update my stories. I've been feeling uninspired…

Random referee dude: And here come the HOORRRNNNEEEETTTTTSSSSSSS!!!!

Nerdwithagun: AAAAA THEY'RE IN MY ESOPHAGUS!!!!

It's Time For….Random Scrambled Eggs!

Odd sat there behind his newspaper, eyes darting in every direction. He waited patiently, until the enemy came into view- Bozo the Clown.

Yes, Bozo the Clown, enemy of the League of Evil Hard-Bound Books for as long as they could remember. With his…red shoes and….funny hair and…..balloons…

But it would all end soon. Six more steps and it would be over….five……..four……………..three……………………………………………two………………………………………………………………………..ONE!

Odd jumped from the bench, whipping out the bazooka. He pulled the trigger and out came…pancakes?

"YUPPERLEY WUPPERLEY DUPPERLEY!" shouted Bozo the Clown as he hit Odd in the face with an ice cream sundae that seemed to appear out of nowhere. Odd winced. "Nooooooo! Not with coconut sprinkles!!!" screamed Odd.

Just then, the entire SWAT force materialized and started spraying bug killer everywhere. Odd noticed something strange about the SWAT team that day. They looked…different. All of a sudden, he realized that they were all replicas of Ulrich. Aelita decided to come in.

"Odd!" she said, "I've always loved you!" She grabbed him and pulled him into a broom closet.

"NOOO! Aelita! Why have you forsaken me?" shouted Jeremie. He became angry and decided to become a terrorist. Then, he bombarded an ice cream stand with millions of angry meerkats. The Ministry of Magic came and threw him into Azkaban.

All of a sudden, TJ's head popped out of the ground. He was wearing a miner's hat. The SWAT force tripped over him and fell screaming into a pit of perilous doom and beavers.

Amidst all of the commotion, Yumi ran up and shouted, "Hey everybody! Spiderman is showing up at the carnival!"

"YYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" shouted everybody, and they all dashed for the carnival at once. And that is the story of the Saint Patrick's Day Massacre.

THE END.

And by the way, Jeremie broke out of Azkaban with Sirius Black and together they conquered the wizard world.

NOW IT'S THE END. SCRAM.

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Nerdwithagun: Well, that's that. I'll update my other story soon, I promise.


	6. What the hell is this?

Nerdwithagun: Woohoo! This random scrambled egg actually takes place at Kadic!

Random trapeze artist with Antefilms logo: But do you own Code Lyoko?

Nerdwithagun: STOP RUBBING IT IN!!! (Audience agrees with me and throws angry leprechauns at him)

Trapeze artist: NNNNOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! It's not Saint Patrick's Day!

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It's Time For…..Random Scrambled Eggs!

It was a beautiful midsummer's day at Kadic in 1776. The Battle of Lexington was heard in the distance.

Nerdwithagun: What the hell was that?

Dead trapeze artist: I dunno, you're writing this.

Nerdwithagun: Oh.

It was a beautiful midsummer's day at Kadic. Ulrich Stern was running down the halls screaming that he had turned into a wallaby.

"HOLY SHIT I TURNED INTO A WALLABY!!!!!!!" he screamed merrily.

All of the students in the hall turned into merry dwarves and danced around him in a circle.

"OH, HE TURNED INTO A HAPPY WALLABY! A MERRY, HAPPY, SKIPPING WALLABY!"

All of a sudden, Yumi descended in a helicopter, sniping the retarded dwarves down. She jumped out and grabbed onto Ulrich.

"Oh, Ulrich! You have quite a look going there! I love you!" (She starts making out with the now wallaby Ulrich)

"I'll get you, Stern!" screamed William as Ulrich's friend Baby Balluga dragged him into the sea of a thousand dead retarded dwarves.

All of a sudden, Jeremie ran into the hall with Sirius Black and they together began casting spells everywhere, thus turning the building into a mountain of chewed-up bubble gum.

"Yes!" cried Jeremie. "We did it! Now we win a free piece of Elvis Presley's jacket!"

(Jeremie and Sirius high five each other but suddenly get crushed by Odd's gigantic shoe.)

"OOPS," said Odd, who had been turned into a giant by Voldemort's son's nephew's brother's cousin's uncle's great-grandfather one hundred times removed.

Nerdwithagun: What the hell is going on here? I'm not typing any of this. (Looks down and notices his fingers are missing.) OH CRAP!!!!!!

And with that precise conclusion, TJ destroyed the school and got to go out for ice cream.

THE END.

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Nerdwithagun: Okay, I don't know what I just wrote, but it felt good, damn it.


	7. Violence for dr seuss

**Nerdwithagun: Okay, I feel random, so I'm going to right this!**

**Generic guy: Hi! Do you know where the movie theater is?**

**Nerdwithagun: AAAAAAAAAAAAA! (snipes the guy down) Whew! That was close!**

**My good friend SkylerOcon: That guy was supposed to give you $9999999999999999999999999999999999999999.**

**Nerdwithagun: Oh crap.**

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It's Time For…Random Scrambled Eggs!

Once upon a time, there were three kittens named blingy, blangy, and shutthefuckupyoufools. One day, blingy, blangy, and shutthefuckupyoufools decided to go for a walk in the land of Silent Hill. After messily devouring several zombies and a few members of the maniacal cult, Xana came along and decided to recruit them into his army of angry possessed kittens.

They proceeded to destroy the world.

THE END.

NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was a beautiful Midsummer's Night Dream at Kadic Junior High.

**Nerdwithagun: What the hell? What is this?**

**Random dude with a croissant for a head: I think your computer is possessed again.**

**Nerdwithagun: Oh, you're right! Now it's trying to drag me into the underworld. So long!**

Blingy, Blangy, and Shutthefuckupyoufools decided that they would kill everybody in the school. They proceeded to steal several FBI vehicles and crash into Mrs. Hertz's science class, since they hated their fifth grade science teacher, Jimmi Hendrix. After crashing into the school, they sent out an electric wave to kill everybody. Conveniently, everybody died except Ulrich, Yumi, Odd, Jeremie, Aelita, and TJ. Blingy, Blangy, and Shutthefuckupyoufools decided that they would let the main characters of this now twisted children's TV show die in peacefulness and serenity while being burned alive on razor sharp nails and pushed into a garbage compaction machine.

The Lyoko gang didn't think that that was a very good idea, so they talked things over with Blingy, Blangy, and Shutthefuckupyoufools. But in the end, they ended up being kidnapped by Xana and being crammed into chicken cages with Dr. Seuss.

In honor of Dr. Seuss, let's right a poem about this cheerful, morbid, and completely corrupted day.

_Me and my friends were eatin' our lunch,_

_And Jim was trying to learn how to punch,_

_And after we all decided we were done,_

_Ulrich and Yumi went to have some fun!_

_But suddenly Xana intervened,_

_And the idea of death was not real keen!_

_But everyone else decided to die,_

_So me and my friends went and ate some pie!_

_But we were kidnapped and crammed in a cage,_

_And wrote this poem to fill up this page!_

_Now we are all underwater to drown,_

_And on our faces this put a frown!_

_But Jeremie came up with a plan,_

_We got free with emergency frying pans!_

_The city is now blowing itself up,_

_I really hope that I do not upchuck!_

_But there is a moral to this crazy day,_

_If you commit crime, then the crime will beat the crap out of you and try to electrocute you and drown you and eventually just lock you in a cage!_

So after all the days crazy happenings, the friends of Kadic went back home and watched a marathon of their own TV show. Then they realized that they were only watching a marathon of themselves watching a marathon of themselves watching a marathon of themselves watching a marathon of Barney. They turned into turtles.

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

end.

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**Nerdwithagun: Hey, SkylerOcon, do you think this was random enough for Random Scrambled Eggs?**

**Other generic guy: SkylerOcon is on sabbatical. I'll be filling in for him today.**

**Nerdwithagun: Oh well! Coughreadskylerocon'sstoriescough.**

**Daffy Duck: Th-th-th-that's all folks! (Porky Pig kills him)**


	8. christopher columbus day

**Nerdwithagun: I know….I know….I haven't updated any of my stories in a while….but I am inspired to be random, so I will fulfill my life's calling and BE RANDOM!!!!**

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It's Time For….Random Scrambled Eggs

Ulrich was walking along one morning. He was walking. Walking he was. All of a sudden, he noticed that he was a fish. "I AM A FISH!!!!" he exclaimed happily.

"No your not!!!!" screamed a rampaged Barry Bonds as he bitch slapped Ulrich. He bitch slapped Ulrich. Bitch slap Ulrich he did. Ulrich, now sad and discouraged walked along glumly.

As he was walking along, he met up with Odd. He met up with Odd. Met up with-_(Here the author, nerdwithagun, is murdered by his biggest fan, Ghetto Man, because he was tired of that stupid joke. FOO! But nerdwithagun rises from the dead, and by the power invested in himself, his will, and crappy-ass Amp energy drink, he gains enough power to finish this fic.)_ Ulrich noticed something about Odd that day. He looked different that day. Then Ulrich noticed that Odd's eye was bulging to three times its size.

"AH-HEEHEEHEE-HOOHOOHOO-HAHAHA, I GOTTA DOWN MY HOMEBOY, SO DON'T YOU PING MY CHEESE WITH ALL YO DING-DONG DITCH CRAP BY ALI G, YO, AND THAT REECK-AROCKA, SO SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!" said Odd. Odd had been sniffing cocaine. Oh, silly Odd!

"Oh, Odd, you silly boy, don't you know that you should always eat MARSHMALLOWS before doing cocaine? You're such a goofball, Odd!" exclaimed Ulrich merrily! Then Jeremie came along! With a shiny new pogo stick! So don't cry, brothers, watch him as he bounces on his new pogo stick!

"**I tried doing coke but the ice cubes went up my nose,**" said Jeremie with a husky Bruce Willis style voice. But Bruce Willis threatened to sue, and Jeremie didn't want that, so Bruce Willis shoved a bunch of helium down his throat.

"ULRICH! WHEN DID YOU BECOME A FISH??????????" said Jeremie in a squeaky mouse-like voice. But then Jerry the Mouse threatened to sue. Poor Jeremie drank dishwasher fluid later that day for no reason.

"I AM A FISH!" screamed Ulrich as he drowned himself in ice cream. Yumi walked in sobbing at the loss of her true love.

"A WEEGEEWEEGEE I LOVEADA COOKIE MONSTERS WITH THE PATROLEUM JELLY AND BABA BLACK SHEEP, SO TAKE THAT GEORGE CLOONEY!" bellowed Odd before he was stolen by Marvin the Martian. Yumi tried to hang herself with yarn but ended up dying anyway because the yarn was too thing to hold her and she drowned in Odd's sea of cocaine.

"If it was me," said TJ, "I'd like to die with peacefulness and serenity while being burned alive on razor sharp nails while George Bush sued me for terrorism!" he said while being burned alive on razor sharp nails while George Bush sued him for terrorism. At least he did it peacefulness and serenity.

Aelita, being the only one still sober and existent, stole Jeremie's pogo stick and bounce off to Spain, only to be squished in a massive Christopher Columbus day riot.

THIS MESSAGE IS BROUGHT TO YOU IN HONOR OF CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS, THE BRAVE MAN WHO BLATANTLY STOLE AMERICA FROM THE INDIANS AND THEN KILLED THEM WITH DISEASE!

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**Nerdwithagun: Heh heh. (Eye twitches)**


	9. EVERYONE'S EMOTIONAL

**Nerdwithagun: MORE RANDOM!!!**

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**It's Time For…Random Scrambled Eggs!!!**

Jeremie sighed. Once again, he was sitting there with Ulrich, trying to help him with his English essay.

"Uhhh…how about a poem about DEATH," he said gloomily.

"NO!!! You have to be more creative than that, you whiny little emo bitch!!"

Ulrich sweatdropped. Multiple times. 52 times, to be exact. Then he died from body water loss. And nobody cared. Except for nerdwithagun, because that increased his word count. But then he shut up because everyone was tired of him using sentence fragments.

Jeremie was sad. He was sad because……because…..because nerdwithagun couldn't think of a reason he was sad. So he died. But not really. He just pretended he was dead. But then as he was sneaking away from all the people who thought he was dead, he got hit by a truck. He was mad at that truck. He was so mad, that his head exploded.

Aelita cried at the loss of her loved one's head. She cried so much, that she stopped crying.

AND THEN ODD BLEW EVERYTHING UP!!!! After which, he ran to the supercomputer and watched Harry Potter on the big screen!! Then he realized that Harry Potter was overrated and he was happy that he wasn't in that fandom!! He was so happy, that he floated up to heaven!!!

"I'm free!" he cried when he arrived there.

Suddenly, Harry Potter jumped out of nowhere and cried, "Let's be friends!!"

"GAAAAAAA!!!!!!!"

Only Yumi and TJ were left. Yumi got so sad that she was stuck with a stupid OC that she ran off into the mountains and made a living selling chickens. But one day, the chickens turned on her.

Then TJ realized that he didn't actually exist. He got so mad at this inconvenience that he didn't do anything.

BUT SUDDENLY---

Everyone came back to life and was so happy that they suddenly realized the purpose of life! And the purpose of life was to-

"LOOK, A TURTLE!!!" cried Ulrich.

Then, the readers of this chapter got so mad that they got so close to discovering their purpose only to have it snatched away and pounded and ground into the ground and burned and fed to the pigs that they reviewed. A lot.



**Nerdwithagun: THE END!!! I hope……**


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